Need
by bbvampygrl
Summary: this is my reaction/continuation of the End in the Beginning. lyrics belong to Hana Pestle. just read:


_I'm not quite sure how to breathe without you here  
I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to say goodbye to all we were  
Be with me  
Stay with me  
Just for now  
Let the time decide  
When I won't need you_

Brennan shifted in the vinyl hospital chair and sighed. It was the second day since the surgery, and Booth still had not stirred. She was trying to remain cool and rational, but that was surprisingly hard to do. All she could think about was his faint pulse as she clasped his hand firmly in her own, trying to will her life force into his body. As the hours wore on, Brennan refused to leave his side, even when Angela or Cam came in to relieve her, she wouldn't budge. Brennan was terrified that as soon as she stepped out of the room, his life would leave his body. And there was no way in hell she would ever let that happen. As hard as it was to admit it even now, Brennan needed Booth. There was no way around that fact. __

My hand searches for your hand  
In a dark room  
I can't find you  
Help me  
Are you looking for me?

She could barely hold in her tears as she thought of how deeply he had affected her life. Booth had done so much, from making sure she had three meals a day, to teaching her to see the world through not just her eyes, but her heart. Now that her heart had started again, it seemed it was only going to be ripped out of her chest. Brennan couldn't stand her thoughts anymore and got up from the chair. Instead of leaving she went around to the other side of the hospital bed where there were not as many tubes, and gently lay down next to her partner, taking his hand again.__

Can I feel anyore?  
Lie to me, I'm fading  
I can't drop you  
Tell me, I don't need you  


As she put her head on his shoulder, she made a decision. Even though she did not believe that Booth could really hear her, Brennan took comfort in the fact that he would have wanted her to do this. She opened her mouth and started to speak. At first, it was just mundane things like how Cam had cut her hair and Sweets was writing his manuscript about them, but then soon turned to deeper subjects. "Angela and Hodgins are back together," she whispered, "Angie told me it was because she realized life was too short to just ignore the obvious and live in denial. I don't want to make that mistake either." She paused for breath, and wiped some fresh tears from her eyes. "I know you probably can't hear me, but I want to say this anyway. You have changed me Booth. I don't think that I could continue on without you teasing me, or calling me Bones. I love when you correct me, even if I act annoyed. I love your eyes, and your charm smile, and even that ridiculous cocky belt buckle. I love how just being wrapped in your arms can make me feel safe anywhere, even if that's completely irrational. I love…. You." _  
_

_My hand searches for your hand  
In a dark room  
I can't find you  
Help me  
Are you looking for me?  
_

Brennan broke down, no longer able to control the ocean of tears in her throat. She didn't even try to stifle the pain in her wails as she clung to Booth's hospital gown, breathing in his scent. "I love you. And that means you can't leave me, you just can't. if you feel the same, you have to pull through this, for me. And if not for me, than for Parker." That was the only thing she could choke out, wishing desperately that he would answer back. She needed to hear his soft voice, trying to calm her down, and his hands, rubbing gentle circles in her back. Eventually she cried herself out, still holding her partner close. "Seeley Booth, I'm not ready to lose you to any God. Even the one you are so convinced will bring you to eternal happiness." Ten minutes later she fell asleep, curled into a ball next to her best friend. _  
_

_Etch this into my brain for me  
Tell me, how it's supposed to be  
Where everything will go  
And how I'll be without you by my side_

She woke up some hours later, interrupted by a sweet nurse who seemed very sorry to disturb her. "I'm sorry Mrs. Booth, but I needed to check up on your husband." Brennan waved her off, saying of course, it was her job, and rather sheepishly got up off the bead and smoothed her rumpled clothes. She didn't bother correcting the nurse about her mistake; it seemed so trivial now. As she turned her back to go sit in the chair again, the nurse spoke. "Mrs. Booth, were you here at around midnight last night?" Brennan responded that she had, and asked why that was relivant. "Well, around that time last night, something caused your husband's heart rate to speed up, and I was wondering if you knew what caused it." The nurse waited expectantly while Brennan could only shake her head and say no, she had no idea. As the nurse shrugged and left, Brennan's head swam. Maybe he had heard her. Maybe he had heard and understood as well. __

My hand searches for your hand  
In a dark room  
I can't find you  
Help me  
Are you looking for me?

Brennan crept closer to her partner's bed and took his face in her hands. As she stared at his unresponsive face she murmured, "I love you Seeley Booth," and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. She heard his heart monitor speed up, but kept her eyes closed. When she heard a soft breathy, "Boooonesss." She couldn't help it; tears started flowing yes again. She pulled back and smiled into Booth's cloudy brown eyes. She took his hand and whispered, "I'm here. Always." It was a promise she intended to keep, no matter what.__


End file.
